


arsonists lullaby

by kogaritsu



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, birthday angst woohoo, warning for medical talk but just a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25115812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kogaritsu/pseuds/kogaritsu
Summary: For now, “HiMERU” sat in the dirty hospital hallway, eating cake he’d never liked and not feeling much like HiMERU at all.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33





	arsonists lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> this is more compliant with my own person opinions of himeru 1.0's accident (as a medical worker) but i left it pretty ambiguous <3

July 7th was an important day; it was a monument to another year survived, another year sustained, another year… It was a reminder that through all suffering came success, or in some cases: through all suffering came more.

\---

“What kinda cake do you like?” Shiina had asked, voice so friendly it slipped between the brick and mortar of his defense wall and warm like the dough they were making.

“I d-” Deep breath. “HiMERU doesn’t know. Why do you ask?” 

Shiina smiled over at him, joshinko smeared over the apple of his cheek from an unfortunate stumble, expression unchanged in spite of HiMERU’s obvious mistake, “No reason, just bein’ nosy.” 

HiMERU shouldn’t have believed him, but he did, kneading the dough with a newfound motivation. Shame on him. The cafeteria hustled and bustled in the background, making the quiet kitchen feel so much less empty with just the two of them. His hands stilled on the dough, mind wandering to wonder if Shiina ever got lonely cooking all day in an empty kitchen. Asking would suggest that he cared, and he didn’t care. So he didn’t say anything, just allowed their elbows to brush on his way to the sink and tried not to overanalyze the way Shiina apologized without looking up from their yatsuhashi. 

It was for Kohaku, a small surprise for no reason in particular. HiMERU couldn’t imagine having so much kindness, but Shiina wasn’t a normal person; not just anyone would nurture strays the way he did. It took a special person to do the things that Shiina did. It made him miss his older brother more than usual, niggling in the back of his mind like phantom pains. Self medicating wouldn’t work this time, but he could try to treat his guilt regardless.

“Shiina.” He said without thinking.

“Mmm?” Shiina, halfway through a taste test, offered his attention if only briefly. There was bean paste stuck in the corner of his mouth. It was endearing, in a way.

“HiMERU likes chocolate cake… since you asked.” The vulnerability was hardly worth it, but at least HiMERU was known, even if it was in little pieces. That mattered to him, though it felt a bit like reciting lines he could barely remember. 

Shiina held out a piece of yatsuhashi, and HiMERU allowed himself to be fed, warm at the cheeks and tight at the chest. It tasted good.

\---

It shouldn’t have been a surprise (it wasn’t) when a beautifully decorated cake was left for him, “Happy birthday ♡” piped in blue over the top. Further investigation showed that the icing matched his hair perfectly. Thankfully, no one was around to see the way he grinned at the sight, feet fast when he made his way to his personal birthday party. He couldn’t get across town fast enough, cake clutched close to him with urgency he didn’t often feel. Being unknown had never been such an advantage; even with Crazy:B’s growing popularity, he stayed a lovely background voice. It was quite tragic really, to be life support for an old legend and still fall through the cracks. 

He didn’t mind it much.

\---

“You hate chocolate.” A tired voice pointed out, lilted like it was laughing at him for bringing a cake he wouldn’t like. That wouldn’t soil his mood, he wouldn’t let it.

“It’s _your_ birthday,” He shot back, nerves raw and sore, “And you like chocolate. Enjoy it, Shiina is world class. Doesn’t bake much, though...” He trailed off, twisting the hem of his shirt between his hands. 

The only response he got was a “hm.” before the bed shifted again, groaning unhappily at the movement it took to sit up properly. Fat raindrops splattered against the window, running down the smudged glass like the sky was sobbing out its woes. Jealousy welled in his empty chest cavity, salty like the tears he couldn’t shed and stinging the unhealed gashes where his heart once was. Thunder cracked, shocking him out of his stupor, but only for the moment before lightning flashed across the horizon. Just like a young child, he was taken by the way it struck the ground without remorse, lighting up the dreary sky in its wake. It was terrifying. It was beautiful.

As rain beat on the window, he reminisced on what came before this arrangement; his mind stuttered through memories of school days and distant summers. He was alone, so he felt safe to wish he was a child again, wish he could complain to his big brother whenever something bothered him. If he weren’t emotionally cauterized, maybe he would have sobbed at that window, pleading the god that seemed to heal the ailing all too often to save them too. But that wasn’t realistic. God played favorites and HiMERU was never that lucky.

Something beeped, and he rubbed the dreamlike bleariness from his eyes to search for the source. Honey eyes followed him, wide and scared like a deer faced by twin headlights speeding ever closer. Dry lips formed ghostlike words throat too weak to produce the sounds that went with them. Instead, a strained cry accompanied them, and the call bell was pressed before the first scream rang out. Nurses crowded him out of the room, ignorant of the date, ignorant of the significance of the cake that nearly tumbled to the floor in their haste.

Those honeycomb eyes searched for him when he was out of sight, heart rate spiking high and setting off shrill alarms to alert everyone around him. If HiMERU stayed at the door, he could manipulate the notes to sing them happy birthday. The room only had room for one set of delusions, though, and he flew far too high to come down to reality today. It was the second year in a row he’d had to celebrate this way, third year in a row he hadn’t heard soft spoken promises over the wheezing of their dying AC unit. It wasn’t fair, not at all.

For now, “HiMERU” sat in the dirty hospital hallway, eating cake he’d never liked and not feeling much like HiMERU at all. At second glance, he found the cake in his lap was marbled, a perfect mix of two favorites; a weak smile worked at his face, and he ate like he’d never have another chance to.

**Author's Note:**

> my twitter is @mayoiproducer wahh


End file.
